Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Bullies

We probably all have been bullied in life. It’s part of the human condition. Or so they tell us. I personally was a great target as a kid. I was big, but pacifistic. It was my mother’s philosophy. Don’t fight, never fight. So for a time I listened. Then one day around 12 or 13. I was in the schoolyard, watching a game of “fives” (hand ball) and some charming older ape, decided to throttle me with my scarf. I am talking seriously throttle. I am told I was going blue. At some point something snapped in me. I lashed back. I got a solid connection with my back fist to the bastards nose. HE ran off to the teachers saying I had attacked him. What he did not get was the teachers lounge looked out over where this occurred. He and his parents were told that his badly broken nose was the consequence of his bullying. I learned three valuable lessons that day. (1) Do not over react to a situation. My level of force while appropriate could have gotten me in serious trouble. (2) Be aware of your surroundings. I never wear my scarf with the ends hanging behind me any more. I was in a sense “asking for it”. Being an easy target and not well liked by older students. (3) Only I allow others to bully me. So I actually went through much of the rest of my life, not allowing myself to be bullied. I appeared calm and intimidating in the face of threats, or I avoided the whole situation. To be honest it was not exactly healthy. Fast forward to almost 5 years ago. I moved to the USA. New culture. New rules. In New Zealand “staunch” was acceptable. It was attractive even. Staunch meaning “no worries nothing can touch me mate”. Here? It’s apparently arrogant and unacceptable. Vulnerable is the way to go I was told. I was a fool and listened. I allowed my first job to get to me. I lost 70lbs of muscle mass and allowed the CEO to bully me. I lost that job. I wonder if I was hard to get too, if he would have gone else where for his jollies> I allowed the local Pagan community to get to me too. Again I was an easy target. I was a male, with a view, and they hated that. If I had laughed at them. They would have gone elsewhere. But I allowed them to see me ruffled. That was a mistake. As a result. I have minimal contact with them now. What I do have is on my own terms. I’ve allowed family, loved ones, and even friends to bully me too. Guilt trips. The ultimate form of bullying. ‘ Here is the point. You notice at the start of each of the last few paragraphs I have written “I allowed” or some form there of. That is it. I, me, no one else. Allowed this. The warrior has to take responsibility for themselves. They cannot be a victim. They cannot play the blame game. While at the same time, they cannot allow others to be free of responsibility. It is a fine line. So when confronted with a situation. Ask yourself. Have I allowed this to happen? Or Should I allow this to happen? If you say yes. Then it is on you. If you say no, and the person doing it still does it. It’s a declaration of war. Don’t take it. Appropriate responses are allowed. Someone threatens you physically, or fucks with your mind, or even your spiritual self. Back them off. Learn the techniques. Take a martial art or self-defense class (both would be better). Learn to verbally get back at them. Learn to shield, learn to ground, and learn to redirect energy/spells. Don’t be a victim Also don’t allow others to be victims. Tell them to stand strong, yell at the person who is doing it that they are wrong. Be the balance between light and dark. See the shades of grey. He lives in the grey.

2 comments:

Pax said...

This is a wonderful post! It's good to see someone making a point like this.

There are a couple of good sites about bullying in the Pagan community...

http://www.geocities.com/pagan_bullies/

and the "Trollspotting" essay at

http://esoterica.bichaunt.org/

may prove useful info on this topic.

Peace,
Pax

self_forged said...

These are good insights. I hope you are doing well.