Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Yes I currently have a theme going on in my blog. Like I’ve hinted I’ve am going through a very turbulent time at the moment. It culminated a few days ago with an email from someone who should have been a friend. Someone who led me to believe I could rely on them no matter what. The email was in essence an attack at my ego. Each line was finely crafted, and toxic. Each attack was gauged to attack what was a perceived weak spot. This person calls himself or herself a warrior. This person claims to be above such things. But they like me are frail and human and prone to mistakes. Unlike me. They do not admit this. It is others not them. It failed. I did not fall in to despair. Rather it lit a fire in my brain. I took the criticism that was valid, and filtered the rest away. I was panning for gold. So after accountability. There comes responsibility. Those who tread the warrior’s path. Need to remember this word. A warrior out of control is not responsible. A warrior who does not repay a kindness is not responsible. Along with balance and accountability comes responsibility. It again is ok for a warrior to be human and make mistakes. Our gods are not perfect so how can we be? However it is still our responsibility to be responsible (sorry I was waiting to use that one). If someone helps you, and in turn needs help. Then you give it. Or if you cannot, you find someone who can. If you see someone in pain, you find a way to lessen it. If you make a pact with someone, you keep it. If you call someone friend, you act like one. If you act poorly, you admit it (accountability). It’s that simple. A warrior is not weapons, martial arts or mystic mumbo jumbo. No a warrior is someone who tries to live life in balance. Who owns up to mistakes, and lives up to obligations. When they fail. They admit it, and do better. If you make a mistake, and you admit it. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is allowed to beat you up over it. If it is breaking the law. Then you pay a consequence. But you cannot be bullied, blackmailed or guilt tripped forever over it.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Accountability. (YES THAT MEANS YOU)

My that is a rather large word. It has a lot of implications too. The path of the warrior (and this is simply me) relies on the person involved being accountable. Notice I say accountable. Not perfect. No one is perfect. But if you are accountable, you are being true. We all make mistakes. Trust me on this one. I’ve made some huge ones lately. Here comes the accountability part. I owned up. I took the consequences. I did not flinch. I am making the changes I have to make to not make them again. This is what it means to be a warrior. It is not being perfect. It is not about a cold heart. It’s not even about accepting the consequences. That is part of it. But learning is more part of it. Don’t make the mistake again, or at least try too. To blame others (voices in the head, the Devil also count as blaming others) is the path of the weak. That is self-delusion. Own up to what you did. Stand tall and admit it. I’ve done this enough times. The warrior will dust himself or herself off and move on. They don’t angst over it for weeks, months, and years. They do not say they are the victims when they willingly went to the situation. No that is not the Warrior. So a warrior holds themselves accountable. Even when they are wrong. Even when they screw up. I have a message for any one who cares. If you have any questions. Email me. Otherwise just keep reading
PS yes this post was pointed at some people (Fearn, Amanda *Wave*)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


We probably all have been bullied in life. It’s part of the human condition. Or so they tell us. I personally was a great target as a kid. I was big, but pacifistic. It was my mother’s philosophy. Don’t fight, never fight. So for a time I listened. Then one day around 12 or 13. I was in the schoolyard, watching a game of “fives” (hand ball) and some charming older ape, decided to throttle me with my scarf. I am talking seriously throttle. I am told I was going blue. At some point something snapped in me. I lashed back. I got a solid connection with my back fist to the bastards nose. HE ran off to the teachers saying I had attacked him. What he did not get was the teachers lounge looked out over where this occurred. He and his parents were told that his badly broken nose was the consequence of his bullying. I learned three valuable lessons that day. (1) Do not over react to a situation. My level of force while appropriate could have gotten me in serious trouble. (2) Be aware of your surroundings. I never wear my scarf with the ends hanging behind me any more. I was in a sense “asking for it”. Being an easy target and not well liked by older students. (3) Only I allow others to bully me. So I actually went through much of the rest of my life, not allowing myself to be bullied. I appeared calm and intimidating in the face of threats, or I avoided the whole situation. To be honest it was not exactly healthy. Fast forward to almost 5 years ago. I moved to the USA. New culture. New rules. In New Zealand “staunch” was acceptable. It was attractive even. Staunch meaning “no worries nothing can touch me mate”. Here? It’s apparently arrogant and unacceptable. Vulnerable is the way to go I was told. I was a fool and listened. I allowed my first job to get to me. I lost 70lbs of muscle mass and allowed the CEO to bully me. I lost that job. I wonder if I was hard to get too, if he would have gone else where for his jollies> I allowed the local Pagan community to get to me too. Again I was an easy target. I was a male, with a view, and they hated that. If I had laughed at them. They would have gone elsewhere. But I allowed them to see me ruffled. That was a mistake. As a result. I have minimal contact with them now. What I do have is on my own terms. I’ve allowed family, loved ones, and even friends to bully me too. Guilt trips. The ultimate form of bullying. ‘ Here is the point. You notice at the start of each of the last few paragraphs I have written “I allowed” or some form there of. That is it. I, me, no one else. Allowed this. The warrior has to take responsibility for themselves. They cannot be a victim. They cannot play the blame game. While at the same time, they cannot allow others to be free of responsibility. It is a fine line. So when confronted with a situation. Ask yourself. Have I allowed this to happen? Or Should I allow this to happen? If you say yes. Then it is on you. If you say no, and the person doing it still does it. It’s a declaration of war. Don’t take it. Appropriate responses are allowed. Someone threatens you physically, or fucks with your mind, or even your spiritual self. Back them off. Learn the techniques. Take a martial art or self-defense class (both would be better). Learn to verbally get back at them. Learn to shield, learn to ground, and learn to redirect energy/spells. Don’t be a victim Also don’t allow others to be victims. Tell them to stand strong, yell at the person who is doing it that they are wrong. Be the balance between light and dark. See the shades of grey. He lives in the grey.